"Exfooliate" and 15 other Imaginary Medical Terms

Ex•fool'•i•ate:
A procedure in
which the brain
is cleansed of
dead cells.
From
Bloom's Bouquet
of Imaginary
Words (2004)

Our intention in the posting of April First ('08), "Breaking the Code of Doc Speak," was to inform. We quoted The Union's Senior Writer David Moeller who, in turn, quoted two sources (Medspeak: Language of the ER; and Medilexicon, an online medical dictionary) to inform us about the meanings of various terms of medical jargon, such as NOP, which means nothing by mouth or SOB, which means shortness of breath.

The present posting turns in another direction: it aims simply to entertain. Any inclination to cite academic sources has been sedated by the writer so that he — and, he hopes, the reader — can enjoy the challenge of reckoning newly coined medical terms invented solely by lexicowits to entertain. (As coiner of the word lexicowit, I will make bold to define the term — word wits — and sound out its pronunciation, which is not the expected "lex'-ic-o-wit" but the more playful "lex-ic'-o-wit."

Like Mr. Moeller, I too will be citing a source, Bloom's Bouquet of Imaginary Words (2004) by Jeffrey and Carole Bloom, for examples of medical terms that aim not to realign, file, or fix any bones, but to tickle them.

Among the book's 15 chapters — including such (here abbreviated) titles as Food and Drink, Fashion & Grooming, and Sex — we find on pages 43 through 60 our chapter of interest (here stated in its full form): "Froshbite and frollicles (Medicine)."

A quick injunction, here, dear reader: do not speed read this chapter title. Its key words are "Froshbite" not "Frostbite" and "Frollicles" not "Follicles." As the Blooms demonstrate, by "merely adding, deleting, or changing a single letter, we can significantly expand the meaning of words." (9) Put another way, they are making puns using the minamalist method of single-slot letter (vowel or consonant) replacements.

Thus, to arrive at a new whimsical meaning of froshbite, we drop the t from frost and replace it with an h to arrive at the word frosh, and hence to the conflation froshbite, which suggests a "Freezing college newbie's condition," which, as my imagination sees it, sees a shivering college freshman from Florida in shortsleeves and clogs scampering through an early snow on a college campus in northern New England.

I've decided to share these newly minted terms with you, even though many of them do not apply directly to our malody in common, chronic pain. (I offer malody as an instance of an imaginary word — one I just invented by blending malady with melody which as a single word suggests a sad love song to one's beloved, who is distressed with a serious ailment.

Instead of using the term imaginary words, which was coined by the Blooms, linguists employ traditional jargonic equivalents of their own, namely, blends and portmanteau words. To learn how a portmanteau — a leather European travel case hinged at the top to open into two compartments below, is a useful image to describe how certain English words are created, see "§ Portmanteau Words" at the end of this posting.

Immediately following "The List of 15," I offer a second list, "The List of 15, with Interpretations" presenting my best guesses about the verbal identities of the either obvious or murky pair of standard English words that have been blended to comprise each new Magical Word.

And so we move on, on to "The List of 15," a selection from the Bloom's book of 15 new coinages, some of which, I am certain, you will intuit the intended meaning immediately; the others — the stumpers — may prompt some manner of reckoning with word roots, prefixes, and suffixes to arrive at. I hope you and your prefrontal cortex will have fun discerning the "hidden meaning" of each imaginary word.

» The List of 15

From the chapter titled "Froshbites & Frollicles (Medicine)" in
Bloom's Bouquet of Imaginary Words, Jeffrey and Carole Bloom,
New York: Workman, 2004.

1. Practologist
Doctor who takes a nuts-and-bolts approach to the rectum

2. Pilliterate
A pharmacist unable to read doctors' prescriptions

3. Plumpectomy
Liposuction

4. Pumpernuckle
Repetitive injury from drawing water from a well

5. Clausetrophobia
Fear of making changes in a formal document

6. Cellebration
Moment of conception

7. Nocturinal
A glow-in-the-dark vessel for nighttime use

8. Laxactive
The productive effect of a medicine
designed to relieve constipation

9. Melancholy
Fruit of the Gloom

10. Intrinsick
Fundamentally ill

11. Exfooliate
A procedure in which the brain is cleansed of dead cells

12. Fastigue
The rapid onset of extreme tiredness

13. Waftermath
Blend waft with aftermath.
A lingering odor after a passage of gas

14. Parchmint
Lozenge for a dry throat

15. Banalgesic
A drug acting to relieve boredom

•

» The List of 15, with
Interpretations
Estimations of meaning by J.H.

1. Practologist
Blend proctologist with practical.
Doctor who takes a nuts-and-bolts approach to the rectum.

2. Pilliterate
Blend pill with illiterate.
A pharmacist unable to read doctors' prescriptions

3. Plumpectomy
Blend plump with -ectomy —
a combining form that means excision
Liposuction

4. Pumpernuckle
Blend pumper with knuckle.
Repetitive injury from drawing water from a well

5. Clausetrophobia
Blend clause with claustrophobia.
Fear of making changes in a formal document

6. Cellebration
Blend cell with celebration.
Moment of conception

7. Nocturinal
Blend nocturnal with urinal.
A glow-in-the-dark vessel for nighttime use

8. Laxactive
Blend laxative with active
The productive effect of a medicine
designed to relieve constipation

9. Melancholy
Blend melon with melancholy.
Fruit of the Gloom

10. Intrinsick
Blend intrinsic with sick.
Fundamentally ill

11. Exfooliate
Blend exfoliate with fool.
A procedure in which the brain is cleansed of dead cells

12. Fastigue
Blend fast with fatigue.
The rapid onset of extreme tiredness

13. Waftermath
Blend waft with aftermath.
A lingering odor after a passage of gas

14. Parchmint
Blend parch with mint (as in pepermint).
Lozenge for a dry throat

15. Banalgesic
Blend banal with analgesic.
A drug acting to relieve boredom

•

§ Portmanteau Words

A portmanteau
www.herbariasoap.com/_assets/images/

photos_misc/photo_portmanteau.jpg

The Blooms invented the informal term imaginary words. Among linguists, however, imaginary words are called blends or portmanteu words. The more accessible term of the two is blends, words made by blending the sounds and meanings of two words into a single word, as in dustination, meaning Where dirt ends up," a blend of dust and destination.

Blends are also known as portmanteau words or portmantologisms, terms derived from the word portmanteau, a traveling case made of stiff leather, hinged to open into two equal parts. A portmanteau word is a bundle made from two words, for example, motel from motor and hotel, and smog from smoke and fog.

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